Either way, I find myself with two and a half hours to kill since Cocoa Von Hoffman has the day off and I have no one to correspond with (Cocoa is a co-worker of mine and exchange emails on a daily basis. See Character page).
So let's pick up where we left off...with Bear being the ass that he is. Despite one friend not pulling through for me, ALL of my girlfriends did and it was a pretty glorious weekend. (Every time you read the word glorious, I want you to picture Frank from 'Old School' when he says, 'I saw Blue, and it was glorious.' If you cant' do that, stop reading, go watch Old School and become cooler than you currently are.)
Like I said, I got into town and had my reunion with Pooper and Schnookems. We ate at this great restaurant in the Warehouse District in Minneapolis called Bar La Grassa. We had lobster and egg bruschetta, fresh tuna, crab ravioli...YUM. It was perfect, the food and the company, and it gave us the chance to catch up since we hadn't seen each other since November 2009. We do Skype, email, Facebook, call, text but it's not the same as everyone knows. If you don't you either A: have never had a friend live out of town or B: don't have any friends. Either way, you're weird.
The next day Schnookems and I went shopping. She took me to this AMAZING boutique in St. Paul called Primp. Check it out if you're ever in the area. This was followed by a trip to the Mall of America where I proceeded to spend way too much money. Gus got sunglasses, Nike sandals and this awesome fedora from H&M:
After shopping, it was time for the main event, The Bachelorette Party. While Princess Buttercup and I were great friends, I didn't know anyone else who was going to be there besides her sister, Sookie. I was slightly hesitant because not only did I not know these girls but I knew I already didn't like the girl who was throwing the party, Drizzella, Princess Buttercup's soon-to-be sister-in-law and former BFF and current Fri-enemy. She's insane, selfish, spoiled, Type A and drives Princess Buttercup nuts. I disliked her on principle alone. (Side Note: The name Drizzella comes from Disney's Cinderella, she's one of the evil step-sisters)
The night was actually a blast. I loved Buttercup's college friends, especially The Duchess of Gak. If I hadn't already met Cocoa Von Hoffman, I would believe that Gak is my female soul mate but pretty sure it's Cocoa, but I digress (yet another word that makes me sound dignified). We went dancing at The Shout House where we also had "dinner" and drinks. You know what's a lot of fun? Looking at others dance and judging them. There were a lot of cute outfits but way more ugly ones. For instance, it is not wise to wear black tights with khakis shorts. You look like a moron. If you are over the age of 30, rethink that bachelorette party or at least make sure the guests are your age and not 50+. Also, if you get called up on stage to dance and act crazy, don't just stand there doing the White Man's Dance. You suck. Oh and if you get crazy sloppy drunk, be prepared to be That Girl at the bar and to have others laugh at you, pointing and staring are allowed. By 9:30, I was ready to call it a night. Apparently, motherhood has made me old and boring. I just wanted to crawl into the comfy Marriott bed and sleep. I had been up until 1 the night before plus I had to drive back home on Sunday. I could hear the bed calling to me! Seducing me with it's softness, which is weird because usually I'm seduced by hardness...*sigh* Instead I took one for the team (which team? I don't know, I hear the Twins could use some help) and headed to Bootleggers with the rest of the party. This was actually a trippy experience as it used to be a club called 3 Degrees which stood for the Father, Son & Holy Ghost. I had been there when I was 18 with my Lutheran church group. It was slightly different now but still a very cool bar. The DJ kicked ass but they brought on this live "band", can a two person group be called a band?, that sucked. They looked like Peter, Paul & Mary's offspring and sang like they were dying goats. It was atrocious. By 11:30, five of the nine of us were ready to call it a night, including Buttercup, Sookie, Gak and myself. (We sound like we'd make a really cool gang of superheros, I'd clearly be the leader)
It was during this alone time that the four of us may have had the most fun. We were just bullshitting, half asleep, them drunk, and laughing our asses off. I wish I had our conversation on tape because it was glorious.
The following morning there was the planned Bridal Shower at Drizzella's House which I was opting out of in favor of brunch with Ette. Originally, I was going to take off immediately afterwards in order to hurry home to Gus and de-sugar-ify him. Instead, I was going to wait for Buttercup so she could ride back with me and pick up Dora's car. 11:30 was when the Shower was supposed to start...by 1 they hadn't even started. I wanted to bitch slap Drizzella. What the hell kind of shower was she running? Was she that hung over that she couldn't properly function? Hell, just give Buttercup the gifts, wrap up some food and let her, AND ME, be on our merry way! What a whore.
In the meantime, Ette and I had brunch at Hell's Kitchen, yet another must-stop in Minneapolis. This was followed by a return trip to MOA since I hadn't gotten Gus a guilty gift yet. Here's the deal: I knew my parents would spoil him which would, in turn, make him love them more especially since I had "abandoned" him. My plan was to get him a great gift (and no kid cares about clothes and hats) in order to purchase my way back into his favorite spot in his heart. I am not above bribery. Clearly. I ended up going to the Disney Store and purchasing a Nemo beach towel (that was actually a great buy, it was on sale), a ginormous stuffed Nemo and a ginormous stuffed Mickey Mouse.
Oh yeah, I am definitely forever the favorite. Grandma ain't got nothing on me!
By the time I wasn't finished eating, shopping, killing more time in MOA by just walking around, Drizzella STILL hadn't started the shower, it was now personal and War. The 11:30AM Bridal Shower didn't end until 2PM. I wanted to spit on her when I picked up Buttercup. No one keeps me away from my son...I didn't take revenge then, I feel the wedding reception will be better when she's completely toasty, I'm not, and she's in a dress so that when she "trips" it'll be more embarrassing. I'm telling you, you should never mess with a mother.
So morals of the weekend? Lessons? Points?
One: Boys suck.
Two: Friends are gloriously wonderful.
Three: Don't come between a mother seeing her child.
Four: The wedding is going to be one to remember...unless you're Drizzella.
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