Life Lesson #13: Distance does not make the heart grow fonder-it just plain sucks and there's nothing good about it.

I hate being far away from people. Wait, let me re-phrase. I hate being far away from people that I ENJOY. It sucks. I once had a long distance relationship, I lived in Texas and he lived in Jersey. It lasted approximately 2 months long distance and every day sucked. Yes, I like my alone time but I like being with friends! There's a reason they are my friends, I enjoy their company and being around them! If I didn't, they'd be my relatives.

(yes, that is an actual picture of some of my relatives' feet.)

The point is distance sucks. There is no silver lining to distance. It does not make you appreciate the person or the relationship more, it just makes you bitter because you aren't surrounded by the people who get you the most, the ones you have the shared jokes with, the secrets, the way of speaking without actually speaking. The people who when you are with them, you are part of something special and when you are without them, people tend to think you are a completely different kind of "special".

I desperately miss my friends. I miss having conversations about world issues as opposed to the trivial on-goings of small-town life. No, I do not care about Irene's granddaughter's boyfriend's sister's kid. I want to talk about the debt ceiling and health care and the NFL lockout and MLB trades. I want to talk about how to make an Alex the Lion cake from scratch for Gus's birthday and what he should be for Halloween. I want to spend an afternoon rocking out to the Rent Soundtrack while shopping for clothes that I don't need and won't buy. I want to get dolled up and have a fancy dinner in a city, an actual city not a town, and put on heels and be hit on by guys who have showered within the past 12 hours and have a college degree. I want to stay in and do homemade mani-pedis while watching romantic comedies and eating calories that don't matter because I'm laughing so hard.

I want to reminisce about the old times and know that the future will be even better because I'll have my friends with me. I want to talk about my goals and have them tell me if they are foolish or not. I want to hear them say they believe in me, that everything will be okay because, well, because it just has to be. I want them to call me on my bullshit and whip me into shape. I. Want. My. Friends.

(Kim Anderson Photo)

Growing up you made friends easily, I don't care who you were, friends were easier to come by because you had more opportunities to make them-school, daycare, sports, neighborhoods, YMCA's, etc-and you weren't so jaded, you believed everyone wanted to be your friend and that everyone made a good friend. If you got in a fight with one, there was always someone else. Than the years went by and friends became harder to make, cliques became impenetrable and people weren't as trustworthy. Now, as an adult, when you make a friend, you cling to them, knowing how rare and precious they are.

I know how valuable my friends are, I know how great they are. I know they would do anything for me as I would do for them. I know no matter how far apart life may take us, we will remain friends (feel free to gag/puke here)  but I also know that we are at our best when we are together, that friendships are strongest when they are in the same city. No matter how great your intentions are, life happens and so does distancce and sometimes life is a bitch and that bitch can tear you away from your best friends.

In the meantime, I suppose I will just sit in self-pity, Skype as often as possible and play numerous games of catch with Gus until he tires of me. Everyone needs friends, though, I mean, even House has Wilson.

Life Lesson #5: Distance and Time Will Have No Effect On True Friendships

You're probably thinking to yourself, Geez, this Ms. Humble never works. I bet she's a model and doesn't need to which is why she has all this time to blog, and you'd be partially right. One, I work but not really. My job is uber boring and makes me dumber by the second since I have nothing to do. I'm a fairly intelligent person in all honesty so when I have a job that does not test my intellect or let me even demonstrate that I have an IQ that is higher than a 10 year old, I struggle to care and stay focused. Two, I SHOULD be a model, I'd be phenomenal. I watch ANTM, I know how to "work the eyes".

Either way, I find myself with two and a half hours to kill since Cocoa Von Hoffman has the day off and I have no one to correspond with (Cocoa is a co-worker of mine and exchange emails on a daily basis. See Character page).
So let's pick up where we left off...with Bear being the ass that he is. Despite one friend not pulling through for me, ALL of my girlfriends did and it was a pretty glorious weekend. (Every time you read the word glorious, I want you to picture Frank from 'Old School' when he says, 'I saw Blue, and it was glorious.' If you cant' do that, stop reading, go watch Old School and become cooler than you currently are.)
Like I said, I got into town and had my reunion with Pooper and Schnookems. We ate at this great restaurant in the Warehouse District in Minneapolis called Bar La Grassa. We had lobster and egg bruschetta, fresh tuna, crab ravioli...YUM. It was perfect, the food and the company, and it gave us the chance to catch up since we hadn't seen each other since November 2009. We do Skype, email, Facebook, call, text but it's not the same as everyone knows. If you don't you either A: have never had a friend live out of town or B: don't have any friends. Either way, you're weird.
The next day Schnookems and I went shopping. She took me to this AMAZING boutique in St. Paul called Primp. Check it out if you're ever in the area. This was followed by a trip to the Mall of America where I proceeded to spend way too much money. Gus got sunglasses, Nike sandals and this awesome fedora from H&M:

After shopping, it was time for the main event, The Bachelorette Party. While Princess Buttercup and I were great friends, I didn't know anyone else who was going to be there besides her sister, Sookie. I was slightly hesitant because not only did I not know these girls but I knew I already didn't like the girl who was throwing the party, Drizzella, Princess Buttercup's soon-to-be sister-in-law and former BFF and current Fri-enemy. She's insane, selfish, spoiled, Type A and drives Princess Buttercup nuts. I disliked her on principle alone. (Side Note: The name Drizzella comes from Disney's Cinderella, she's one of the evil step-sisters)

 The night was actually a blast. I loved Buttercup's college friends, especially The Duchess of Gak. If I hadn't already met Cocoa Von Hoffman, I would believe that Gak is my female soul mate but pretty sure it's Cocoa, but I digress (yet another word that makes me sound dignified). We went dancing at The Shout House where we also had "dinner" and drinks. You know what's a lot of fun? Looking at others dance and judging them. There were a lot of cute outfits but way more ugly ones. For instance, it is not wise to wear black tights with khakis shorts. You look like a moron. If you are over the age of 30, rethink that bachelorette party or at least make sure the guests are your age and not 50+. Also,  if you get called up on stage to dance and act crazy, don't just stand there doing the White Man's Dance. You suck. Oh and if you get crazy sloppy drunk, be prepared to be That Girl at the bar and to have others laugh at you, pointing and staring are allowed. By 9:30, I was ready to call it a night. Apparently, motherhood has made me old and boring. I just wanted to crawl into the comfy Marriott bed and sleep. I had been up until 1 the night before plus I had to drive back home on Sunday. I could hear the bed calling to me! Seducing me with it's softness, which is weird because usually I'm seduced by hardness...*sigh* Instead I took one for the team (which team? I don't know, I hear the Twins could use some help) and headed to Bootleggers with the rest of the party. This was actually a trippy experience as it used to be a club called 3 Degrees which stood for the Father, Son & Holy Ghost. I had been there when I was 18 with my Lutheran church group. It was slightly different now but still a very cool bar. The DJ kicked ass but they brought on this live "band", can a two person group be called a band?, that sucked. They looked like Peter, Paul & Mary's offspring and sang like they were dying goats. It was atrocious. By 11:30, five of the nine of us were ready to call it a night, including Buttercup, Sookie, Gak and myself. (We sound like we'd make a really cool gang of superheros, I'd clearly be the leader)

It was during this alone time that the four of us may have had the most fun. We were just bullshitting, half asleep, them drunk, and laughing our asses off. I wish I had our conversation on tape because it was glorious.

The following morning there was the planned Bridal Shower at Drizzella's House which I was opting out of in favor of brunch with Ette. Originally, I was going to take off immediately afterwards in order to hurry home to Gus and de-sugar-ify him. Instead, I was going to wait for Buttercup so she could ride back with me and pick up Dora's car. 11:30 was when the Shower was supposed to start...by 1 they hadn't even started. I wanted to bitch slap Drizzella. What the hell kind of shower was she running? Was she that hung over that she couldn't properly function? Hell, just give Buttercup the gifts, wrap up some food and let her, AND ME, be on our merry way! What a whore.

In the meantime, Ette and I had brunch at Hell's Kitchen, yet another must-stop in Minneapolis. This was followed by a return trip to MOA since I hadn't gotten Gus a guilty gift yet. Here's the deal: I knew my parents would spoil him which would, in turn, make him love them more especially since I had "abandoned" him. My plan was to get him a great gift (and no kid cares about clothes and hats) in order to purchase my way back into his favorite spot in his heart. I am not above bribery. Clearly. I ended up going to the Disney Store and purchasing a Nemo beach towel (that was actually a great buy, it was on sale), a ginormous stuffed Nemo and a ginormous stuffed Mickey Mouse.

Oh yeah, I am definitely forever the favorite. Grandma ain't got nothing on me!

By the time I wasn't finished eating, shopping, killing more time in MOA by just walking around, Drizzella STILL hadn't started the shower, it was now personal and War. The 11:30AM Bridal Shower didn't end until 2PM. I wanted to spit on her when I picked up Buttercup. No one keeps me away from my son...I didn't take revenge then, I feel the wedding reception will be better when she's completely toasty, I'm not, and she's in a dress so that when she "trips" it'll be more embarrassing. I'm telling you, you should never mess with a mother.

So morals of the weekend? Lessons? Points?

One: Boys suck.

Two: Friends are gloriously wonderful.

Three: Don't come between a mother seeing her child.

Four: The wedding is going to be one to remember...unless you're Drizzella.