Life Lesson # 18: Somedays are just better spent in bed. Period.

Do you ever wake up and your ass is so numb you know you didn't move at all during the night? No? Just me? Okay well that's the kind of  night I had last night.
I haven't slept through the night since I was in third grade and woke up to the sound of my parents having sex. Seriously the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my life. It wasn't just a one time incident, it happened repeatedly over the years, screwing me up more and more each time. Ever since, I've been terrified of sleeping soundly, afraid I'll wake up to God knows what. I probably could've just said I had a terrifying experience when I was a child but really, I think that story has brought us all closer together.
So for whatever reason, I have basically been tired since 1995, very rarely do I sleep for longer than a two hour stretch and I usually wake up every time I move or wiggle. Yes, you should feel sorry for me. I'm thinking of actually having a telethon in my name...When I woke up this morning with a sore ass due to not moving, I was pretty jazzed (no, I didn't sleep through the night) and knew that today needed to be spent recuperating.
Everyone recuperates from different things in different ways. Some mothers need time away from their kids with their friends at a bar, some husbands need time away from their wives with their mistresses (no, I do not approve), some people need time away from work with an SVU marathon and a large glass of chocolate milk. I need time away from everyone, lying on my couch, catching up on the sleep I have been deprived of. If I don't, I will go insane, fall asleep wherever, become a mean bitch as opposed to a funny bitch and am not a good mom. Today I am going to recuperate. It's going to be a good day.
I'm also craving pickles and beef jerky...if I was getting laid I'd think I was pregnant, instead I think I'm just getting fat or PMS'ing, either way, it sucks. I'm really craving salt lately, I don't get it and I don't like it. People never really crave things they should, I mean have you ever heard someone go, "OOO! I could really go for some fiber right now!" No, because fiber is gross and if you do ever hear someone say that, 1-make sure you are not downwind from them and 2-defriend them because they are ODD.
Hmm nap...now THAT sounds delicious.