Life Lesson #16: Money doesn't buy happiness...but it does buy anti-depressants, which is basically the same thing.

Living in the pathetic excuse for a city that I do, we have a limited selection for radio stations. That being said, this morning I was listening to John Tesh and he posed the question, "What's the difference between you and a millionaire?" Really, John Tesh? Well, that's easy. The millionaire makes much more money, has a lot less worries and is getting laid a lot more often. What prize do I get for nailing that one? (That's what she said.)
I understand that millionaires don't have perfect lives. For instance, my great-uncle, who is a self-made multi-millionaire, is going through a divorce from his wife who has gone a little cuckoo. (At one point, she claimed he had the devil in him which is why he wanted to divorce her and if he had an exorcism, he would see the way and come back to her. You really can't argue with that.) I just don't like when people with money bitch and think that their problems are on level with my problems. You can't tell me that our problems are equal, you are not worrying about paying medical bills, where the money for your insurance is going to come from, whether or not you'll make rent, if you can afford to buy Brand Label or if you should go generic. If you have a serious medical condition, you can afford the doctors, the tests,the prescriptions. Yes, I feel bad if your marriage goes wrong but don't ask me to sympathize that you only got the house and not the house AND the yacht. Money doesn't buy happiness but it sure helps to medicate depression and to buy fun things to cope with the shitty things that happen in life. Any millionaire who says that they would have the same amount of happiness/sadness with less money has clearly never been poor or is clearly running for political office.
That being said, I know lots of people who don't have a lot of money who ARE happy. Take myself for instance, I don't have a lot of money, in fact, I don't make more than I spend in bills alone month to month. In order to get by, I have to pull from my savings from my tax refund. Does this depress me? Sure it does! It would depress anyone who has a concept of money but I don't let it get me down. What would be the point? Would it change the circumstances? Would it create more money in my bank account? If it would, I would be depressed more often in order to make a few more bucks but it doesn't change a damn thing. Instead, I spend a little more than I should and know that as long as I don't go overboard, it's okay. I like feeling good, I like buying Gus ginormous pointless stuffed animals that make him do his happy dance or a Cars book just to hear him say, "Nightning" (for Lightning McQueen) over and over. I like treating myself to a cup of Starbucks or pizza every now and then because it's not something I do frequently. It's these little things that keep me going in my poor, dreary life. You have to have these things otherwise you'll go insane, and probably because bitter and wacko like my mother.

Everyone has to find their own level of happiness. Some people need chocolate, some people need sex, some people (ahem Cocoa Von Hoffman) need bacon. But I've never come across a homeless person who was undeniably happy, I've never met a person living paycheck-to-paycheck saying this was the life they always wanted. Money doesn't buy love, it doesn't buy happiness but it helps with security, it helps to know that should something happen you'll be okay financially, it helps to know that you won't have to reassure your son that, no he was a very good boy this year, Santa isn't punishing him, it's just that Santa didn't have a very big budget this year.
I do know a few things about money. I know that when I die, I don't want to leave debts behind, that's just bad taste. I also know that I want to leave some money behind because that's the relative that everyone loves but I don't want to leave so much behind that people are wanting to off me in order to get to my money plus why save it for death when you can spend it in life? I also don't want to waste my life earning money. I want to earn it but I also want to enjoy it. I don't understand people who have all kinds of money but don't enjoy it. What's the point? If you aren't going to enjoy it than at least give it to me! I'll send you pictures of Europe and the sweet Villa in Florence you'll be buying me.

If I had money, what would I do with it? Easy, I'd have lots of Valentino and Christian Louboutin shoes to go next to my Kate Spade and Burberry purses that I'd wear when I'd travel to Italy, UK, Greece and Australia. I'd own season tickets to the Yankees and Packers. I'd have a library that would rival the best in the world.  I wouldn't have to check my bank account when I want to go shopping at Wal-Mart or need to go to the doctor. I wouldn't have to worry about governmental aid. I would buy everything in name brand, though I'd probably still shop sales because really, what woman can turn down a good sale? Most importantly, I'd be able to say to my son, "You can go to any college you want, don't worry about the money...just make sure it isn't Ohio State or Wisconsin. Those schools suck."