Life Lesson #88: Children's cartoons don't make any sense.

Fortunately, where I live we are not directly affected by the horrific tornadoes that have been sweeping through the country. We are dealing with flooding, however, and with more rain coming this weekend most people in my area are spending the days and nights bagging sand as well as helping out neighbors. Since the whole country is talking about death, destruction and that crazy ass "Pastor" is preaching about the end of the world (it was supposed to be last weekend, now it's October? WTF), I thought I'd take a pause from the cause and discuss something completely different. Children's cartoons.

Before I had Gus, I had never really thought too much about children's cartoons except when I had been a nanny and all I thought was, Wow that Dora is a BITCH. Why is she always yelling at me in Spanish? Why does she have to repeatedly ask me questions she clearly knows the answers to? And why is her monkey wearing goulashes but no other clothes?
What I remembered of cartoons was the Looney Toon gang and let's face it, they weren't all that great. I always loved the Muppets, though. Cartoons were more popular when I was in elementary school: Rugrats, Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, Daria...I wasn't allowed to watch any of them but Rugrats and Doug, which was fine with me because, really, who doesn't love Doug Funny and Porkchop?

So when Gus started watching cartoons in the morning, I was shocked at how ridiculous they are. Let's start with the classic Curious George by H.A. and Margaret Rey. I'm sure everyone's read the stories if you haven't seen the cartoons. How stupid is this Man in the Yellow Hat? SERIOUSLY DUDE! One, you have a pet monkey, which, let's face it, sounds really kinky and perverted. A pet monkey isn't cool unless you're Jack Sparrow and even he hates that damn monkey. Two, you are constantly leaving this monkey alone even though every time you do he gets into trouble. You're an idiot. Plus, what's with the people, including you, understanding what this monkey says?! Who are you kidding? And would it kill you to change your outfit once and a while? Plus, it's rude to wear a hat inside. Ass.
Next, let's go to another classic, Mickey Mouse. These days Mickey has a Clubhouse where his pals help him every day. It's not a bad show but I don't get Mickey and his gang. What Walt was on when he created them is beyond me (and don't even get me started on Fantasia...) Mickey wears shorts but no top. Donald wears a top but no bottoms  yet (as Chandler Bing pointed out) w hen he comes out of the shower he's always wearing a towel. Goofy, WHAT ARE YOU? And why does a mouse have a pet dog? How come the mice and ducks get to talk but the dog doesn't? Seems a little political to me.

Of course there's other cartoons out there: Spongebob Square Pants, Phineas & Ferb, Handy Manny, Go Deigo Go, Olivia, Babar, The Cat in the Hat...Not one of them makes sense. The "educational" ones as the kids questions through the TV and try to teach the kids a new language, most commonly Spanish. The ones on PBS and Disney are 100x better than the ones featured on Nickelodeon such as Spongebob, Phineas & Ferb and Chowder. Those dont' even pretend to be educational and, I swear, are the opposite, making kids dumber as the seconds progress.

Regardless, most children's cartoon shows are better than the children's shows that involve people. The Wiggles, Imagination Movers, Barney...they are even stranger and involve singing at LOUD levels in extremely annoying voices. *sigh* Basically kids' shows these days suck.

What I need is to get Sesame Street, the original, on DVD along with Doug, Rugrats, Reading Rainbow, Smurfs (although watch that show as an adult...trip-py), Yogi Bear, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Jetsons, Flintstones, Captain Planet (NOW THAT WAS A GREAT SHOW!)...those were quality shows! Although, to be fair, the kids who watched those are now making the crap that's on TV. Really, what is this world coming to?

Everyone has a favorite cartoon. I just hope that Gus's is one that doesn't drive me to insanity or give me serious migraines. Don't get the wrong idea, it's not like he watches a ton of TV but he has to be distracted in the morning while I get ready. If you are still shaking your head at me than I'd like you to try getting ready in the morning while holding a 26lb toddler. Go on, I triple dog dare you.

I hope you enjoyed our little tangent from reality. I know I did...in fact, I think it's time that Gus and I watched the Jetsons Meet the Flintstones. It's gonna be a good night.