Life Lesson #10: Learn how to dance

In life there are many important things to learn: proper grammar, spelling, how to drive a car, balance a checkbook, swim, play poker, brew a good cup of coffee...but none is as important as learning how to dance.
Everyone starts off dancing. Who hasn't been to a wedding where a little kid hits the dance floor? They wiggle their diapered tushies and pump their chubby fists in the air to a beat all their own. It doesn't matter if they are boys or girls, they are out there getting their groove on.

Something happens between toddler hood and the teenage years that halts our inner dancing queens. It may be because we become self-conscious; it may be because we become aware of the actual musical beat and just can't seem to match our bodies to it; it may be because shaking our fists in the air while moving our butts up and down isn't cute once you are over the age of four. Whatever the reason, we lose our inhibition and the restraints of society limit us. Well, not all of us.

But you get the point. Dancing used to be a HUGE part of our culture and now it's a special training only a select few have, like playing the accordion (how pointless is THAT instrument? and annoying? like the bagpipes, really). It's an extremely special occasion when you and your significant other go out dancing and even than, it's only if you KNOW how to dance and if you're lucky enough to have a club that has dancing, you know that kind that isn't NC-17 Rated.
Most colleges these days offer a ballroom dancing class. Kids sign up thinking it's an easy A, a way to get a cultural credit or a PE credit without really trying. They are often in for a surprise (or so I've heard, I've never actually taken it). It's a hard core work out and trains your coordination. Regardless of whether or not you need the credit, TAKE THE CLASS. It will definitely be worth it.
Think back to the days when every "party" involved dancing. All men and women needed to know a variety of dances: waltz, minuet, quadrille, and many more. If you didn't know how to dance, you weren't going to get courted and were going to spend the rest of your life alone. Basically, if you didn't know how to dance, you were screwed, even the poor people knew how to dance in some way! Although, I'm sure the paupers danced a bit dirtier than the rich people...
Many women equate a good dancer with a good lover. (God, I hate that word. Lover *shiver*. It's such a gross word. It makes me think of some dirty old cougar with badly dyed hair, make-up painted on her face, bright red lipstick smeared as she puffs on a Camels. A while back, Cocoa Von Hoffman and I came up with the term gremlin to replace lover so from now I that's what I will be using.) I don't believe this myth. I think men can be good dancers but not good gremlins and vice versa. That being said, I think being a good dancer can make a man very sexy. You know how a guy can be just average looking but a great personality can turn him into really good looking? I think talent on the dance floor can do the same thing. Take an average looking guy, put him on the dance floor and have him bust out smooth moves and he instantly gains 4-5 points on the hotness scale.

As a woman, you can get away more easily by not being able to dance. If you don't want to go dancing, your man will more than likely heave a sigh of relief, glad he doesn't have to pretend to lead you on the dance floor. But why wouldn't you want to dance? Why wouldn't you want to get dolled up, strap on some stilettos and sway to Sinatra or Buble? Are you afraid of happiness? Do you hate life? Are you paralyzed? If you are, I'm sorry but still, put on some sweet shoes and have him spin you in your chair! Dancing, in my opinion, is pretty much as good as sex (okay, not really but it definitely lasts longer).
Take dance lessons, learn to salsa, fox trot, waltz, mamba, swing. It's pretty much the most fun workout you can have. You'll get in shape so that when Friday night comes, you can slip into a sexy red dress, put on some high heels and saunter into a dance club only to have a gorgeous man (preferably a straight one) come ask you to dance.

Than on the dance floor, you'll do the dance as old as time, you'll basically be making love on the floor (and not dry humping to Ke$ha), moving to the music, locking eyes, wondering if he's as good between the sheets as he is on the floor.
But you have to take lessons. You really don't want to be the couple just standing on the floor, the girl twirling her dress, the guy with his hands in his pockets, wondering what you should do next now that you've exchanged pleasantries, do you?

Well, you would if you were as cute as these two, but you aren't so TAKE LESSONS. Seriously. Look them up right now. Call the number and get off the computer. Fat ass.